I was resting on my bed while Leanne my then girlfriend was cooking dinner. When suddenly a thought entered into my mind that became increasingly overwhelming. The thought was loud and clear as if someone spoke it..."GOD" My body began to respond to this thought with my heart was beginning to beat faster as if I had just ran a marathon race. I was aware that I was becoming increasingly anxious, because this thought of "GOD" kept getting bigger & bigger in my mind. Before I knew it, I was running to the kitchen to tell Leanne
that I had to find God!
This deep inner desire overcame me to find God, but I had no idea where to find Him let alone how to? Leanne was concerned for my mental state due to my high drug usage, but I told her and everyone I came in contact with that I needed to find God.
I even rang my parents to tell them and asked whether or not our family belonged to a local church or something that will lead me to find God. I was informed that our family (even though like I said in Pt 1 of testimony, our family were not religious or practicing Christians...refer to Pt 1) belonged to the Anglican church and that I should talk to the Priest.
A lot of good that did!!.....The Priest didnt even know how to respond to my pleas of help to find God. All he could do was give me some religious mumbo jumbo which to me even I somehow sensed or knew that even this Priest didn't know 'God' like I thought he would know Him. I wanted to meet God and for him to reveal Himself! Because this thought and deep desire would not leave me from that time in my bedroom until I did. I didn't care how or where to meet Him...i just wanted to meet God!
For 2 weeks i went on a search for God, being very cautious of Christians and there freaky beliefs( I didnt want to be just another member of a church). But eventually i ended going back to the priest who i first spoke with prior. He spoke to me about fasting and suggested I try it to show God I was serious about finding Him. I was becoming disheartened and angry at this God i did not know! Why would He not show Himself to me? Why would He even disrupt my life when I was at a time where everything in my life seemed perfect!? Then He had to come along and turn it all upside down. Well, at least that's how it felt. Even Leanne was becoming frustrated with the whole God search and with me in particular. I even made her fast for 3 days with me, so that God would show himself?
By the 3rd day we were both weak from not eating (this was extremely difficult for Leanne & myself ) considering both of us liked our food, and neither of us had done anything like it before. This was the turning point for me! I was so weak and angry, that at lunch break I took Leanne and walked down to that Priest's church and decided I would give this God a good piece of my mind. Leanne waited in one of the seats as I went to the front of the altar and got down on my knees. I was so angry at God for turning what seemed my perfect life upside down. How dare He not revealing himself to me after all I had tried to do to meet Him!
I sobbed like a baby clinching my fists and venting my anger at Him. I think I might have even said some very x rated words at him just to show him how mad I was. Who are You God? What do You want with me? Why won't You show Yourself to me and Leanne? Were all the questions that were racing through my mind. I picked myself up from off the floor after what seemed like an eternity and left that church with a ***K you God in my heart.
Don't ever bother me again! When Leanne and I returned to the office (we were both studying Radio Broadcasting) I was sitting in the 'On Air' studio no longer than 10 - 15 mins after coming back from the church, when something else turned my world upside down again!
To be continued in Part 3 soon.....
